No, I haven’t dropped off the planet.

I have been posting things to Instagram & Facebook though, so I haven’t been completely on radio silence..

So what’s been going on?

Well I’ve been dealing with the loss of my friend and everything that comes with that. Trying to learn her job with little to no instructions has been a massive learning curve for me. Not that I haven’t done most of her job before but unfortunately she passed away right at the end of our financial year and it was my first time of dealing with all of that on my own. Luckily my boss, and her boss has been very patient & understanding with the unfortunate situation.

The month of July is crazy busy for us Payroll people in Aussie so I have been pretty much working, working and more working. The last couple of weeks we’ve had to do 6 days due to the amount of work that is sitting there. I mean, I’m thankful for the money but I miss my weekends.

What does all that mean?

Well it pretty much means I haven’t had time to read anyone’s blogs let alone write my own. To be extremely honest, my heart just hasn’t been in even wanting to blog anything recently.

In saying that, I have a couple of ideas in mind for a couple of blog posts, including some anniversary posts about some travel I’ve done in the past few years. Plus I have a couple trips coming up in the next couple of months, which will make content for posts a little easier.

So how am I really doing?

Honestly, it has been tough. A lot tougher than I expected it would. I was so angry at my friend for dying right when I needed her the most in regards to work. I may have had a mini breakdown or two during the last few weeks but you know what, I am only human. I feel sad that she went through what she went through, and that she is no longer here. I feel angry at her for dying. I feel guilty for feeling angry.

You know, all the good stuff that comes with grief of any kind.

We haven’t really talked about her in the office. I mean her name is mentioned a lot but none of us have really just sat down and admitted that we miss her being there. Which I know we all do but I think part of this being human thing is that we tend to push things deep down because we don’t really want to have to deal with how we are really feeling.

What’s next?

Well that is actually a tough one. I know I said before that I have a couple of ideas for blog posts but actually sitting down and writing them is where the real struggle is. I have often said that I can procrastinate procrastination if I wanted to. But I think the real problem has I that I don’t feel like I have anything to say.

And I think that is a good place to finish actually.

I will try to be around more often – even if it is to partake in the old photo challenge 🙂